• The Stepfamily and Life: It Is All About the Playground

  • stepfamily help, stepmother, stepmother help

    Stepfamiles and Life Are All About the Playground

    It’s the end of the year. There have been holidays, custody changes, vacations and aggravations. There have also been feelings of extreme joy. Some of us have received notes of love and appreciation from our stepchildren and/or our partners. Some of us feel peace in the knowing that we are making a home base for our children. For some, we still feel used, invisible and disrespected.

    We all share these “Moments”. My years of experience have not saved me from these feelings, but it has given me the tools to get out of it. It has given me the wisdom to know that all things will pass. It has also given me the skills to decide where my boundary is: what is and what isn’t worth fighting for. At the end of the day, we are on the playground.

    Life is a big playground. No matter what how old you get, those childhood memories of wanting to have a friend or feeling rejected by the kids on the playground are just lodged in your head. Your heart still falls to the ground, but, those feelings are strictly a reaction to the trigger event that set you off. So, when a group went on a walk and didn’t want you to come, you are back at that space when the girls in high school didn’t invite you to the party. Guess what? You immediately revert back to that age of the trigger event. When you know that, you can just sit in the feelings, realizing that your brain is just recalling your early years.

    Feeling alone? Unwanted? Unliked? Disrespected?

    Step #1: Call the trusty girlfriend who lets you whine and be stupid. I am hoping that you guys feel comfortable doing the same at Stepmom Life Class or by communicating with me directly.

    Step #2: Sit in the stillness. Do nothing everyday for 15 minutes. If you resist this idea, (I don’t have the time), ask yourself, “Why am I resisting?” Enjoy and feel that resistance. It’s the universe talking to you. What hurts? What painful story are you telling myself? Is it working?

    Step #3: Your desire. What is your desire? Your desire can be huge like pursuing an educational degree or wacky like painting a wall with polka dots. Either way, write your desires down and do something everyday to move towards it. Even if the move is a teeny, tiny one, do it.

    Step #4: Give yourself a treat everyday. One treat is for a risk you are taking. Two treats are for you being you. No exceptions to this rule. Your treats should be anything that makes you smile. What taste do you love? What smell do you love? What do you love to see? Hear?

    Step #5: Answer these questions and remind yourself:

    • People often compliment me on my ability to….
    • I am proud that I have the discipline to…
    • Even when I don’t feel like it, I….

    Step #6: Play

    We are back to the beginning. It is so important to remind yourself to play hard. Human beings have a natural instinct for play. Imagine yourself on the playground with the knowledge that play is sacred. Imagine that you have the knowledge to put the bullying in its place and loving yourself unconditionally.

    I’ll meet you on the monkey bars!