Reason #1: Why Did I Ever Become a Stepmom? – The Evil Stepmother Speaks

I felt really bad last week when I received a tweet that said, “Is there anything positive about being a stepmom?”  I thought about it and looked over my tweets and blogs.  Boy, I complain a lot.  I didn’t mean to complain, so I thought I would make a list of the positive aspects of being a stepmom.  I struggled.  Let’s see.  Hmmmmm…….(couldn’t come up with a list.)

Then, I realized that I had not written anything about why I chose to become a stepmom nor why I stayed.  The answer was simple.  I saw becoming a stepmom as an opportunity to love new people.  Who knows?  Maybe one of the gang would love me back.  For me, this was a great reason to join this new family.

I was and am madly in love with my husband and my stepchildren.  Our family works because my husband is devoted to his children.  What a wonderful dad!  I love that about him.  His love for the kids made it easy for me to love them.  His love for them was contagious.  If you love Bruce, you had to love his kids.  But, that’s not the whole reason I fell in love with my stepkids.

Now, that’s a list that I can make.  So, here is why I love them (in no particular order):

1. They were open to including my bio son as their sibling
2. They have great senses of humor
3. They put up with me
4. They eat my food and my mushy, special brownies
5. They share their very special Dad with me
6. They shared their home with me
7. I respect them
8. They respect me
9. They are smart
10. They are good sports
11. They married great people (more to love!)
12. They listen to me
13. They help me when I am in trouble
14. They are kind to my family
15. They support me and all my crazy ideas
16. They show up at my charity events
17. They move my furniture when I need the room for a party
18. When they are in trouble or need something, they call me
19. They give back to the world
20. I like them

When we first met, none of the above existed.  How could it?  We needed to get to know one another, which includes frustration, arguments and hurt feelings.  Like a fine wine (corny), these relationships take time.  It just can’t be rushed.  But, if you look at the list, there is one consistent theme.  My stepkids make me feel as if I matter.  I like to think that I do the same for them.  At the end of the day, love = the feeling that you matter.

So, for those of you staring at dirty rooms, filthy kitchens and maybe a hurtful comment or two, remember that this too will pass.  Believe it or not, one day you will be writing your own list and thinking about how madly in love you are with your stepkids.  You will learn that you mattered.

P.S.:  I can just hear all of you stepmoms saying, “Yeah!  I’ll write you a list alright!”  Hang in there!